7/31/2007

Because He Loves Me, I Love, Too

Today was the day. We closed on the house, we have the check and that's it. Over. That chapter is closed for good and a whole new chapter has been started. I don't think I ever want to read this book again, though. Been a tough two days.

I am okay. I haven't written for a couple of days because I've been so busy. The folks buying the house discovered the garbage disposal didn't work--had to replace it--today. I gave the freezer-a monstrosity--to some neighbors for their church. Trying to get it out of the room it was in was--well--an experience. Momma and Daddy must have built the house around the freezer.

The auction people left a disastrous mess in the house in every room. I got there this morning at 7:00am and I left at 4:00pm--cleaning up their mess. And after they promised everything would be gone I had to go back through Momma's stuff 'cause they left a ton of it.

Why, Father, why? Why must we experience such pain? Why must we go through such hurtful wrenching away? I lay awake at night thinking I don't ever want to love anyone again. It's too painful. Death is a bitter pill to swallow.

Tell me, Child.

I am. I'm telling You I don't like it. It makes me so sad. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I'm tired. It wasn't supposed to be this way!

How was it supposed to be?

I was supposed to die first. That was the way everyone thought it would be.

Not me.

But why didn't You prepare me?

So you would worry?

No, so I would be ready.

You can never be ready for Death. It has its own sting.

Lord, I'm angry. I feel guilty. I feel alone.

Be angry at Sin. Guilty? You did not decide your Momma's last breath--that was Me. You are never alone.

Then why have You let go of me? I know You're there, but I can't feel Your hands around me anymore, holding me. Why have You let go? This is when I need You most!

You're teetering, Child, because you haven't fully developed those muscles. You are building strength you never would have known. Your faith is much deeper now. You rely on Me more than even you recognize. It's become your nature. That is the intent.

You can relax. Feel your feet beneath you. Don't struggle so much. I will not let you fall. I have you. You can trust Me.

How can I know?

Because I tell you. Recall the scriptures you have so diligently placed in your heart. Remember the love I have for you. My plans are to prosper you not to harm you. My love endures forever. I sing over, Child, why would I want to harm you?

But why, why does it hurt so much? Why does it have to be this way?

My ways are not your ways. My thoughts are not your thoughts. There are some mysteries that cannot be revealed to you now. Today you see in part, one day, you will see the whole. Until that time, trust Me. Don't look to the left. Don't look to the right. Look straight into my face, Dear One, and there you will find Comfort.

Close your eyes now and rest your weary head. Give Me the burden to carry. Here, Mine is light...that's it, sleep, Child, I'm watching. I have your heart in
My hands. I will heal it. I will mend it. You were meant to love.

Rest now and in the morning, My mercies will be new and you will be free to love again.

7/27/2007

He Is The Reason

I used to listen to John Denver. I don't know if he wrote this song, but he sang it on one of his albums--yes, the vinyl kind!

"Some days are diamonds, some days are stone. Sometimes the hard life won't leave me alone. Sometimes a cold wind blows a chill in my bones. Well, some days are diamonds and some days are stone."

There are seasons of our life that are just so much harder to take than others. Before my Momma moved to Heaven, I didn't have an easy life (who does?), but it was nothing compared to now. I left Momma on March 22, a Thursday, I said, "I'll be back." Should never have said that. Should have gone back. I got home, she was doing relative well when I left, and I was exhausted. It was my ninth day of staying from 7 in the morning until 9 at night. I was looking after Daddy, running him back and forth to the hospital--I didn't go back.

At 7:05am Friday morning, the doctor called. He said, "Your Momma took a turn for the worse last night."

My reply, "So you had to move her to ICU?"

"No," and you know my head knew what he was going to say and already my heart was beginning to stop, "we tried to revive her, but we weren't successful."

I asked, "What do you mean?" I knew very well what he meant. I guess I just needed to hear him say it.

"Your Mom didn't make it. She passed away about 5:20 this morning."

I dropped the phone, screaming as it clattered to the floor.

My life was turned upside down. One minute I was living in North America, right-side up and the next thing I know, I'm in Australia where even the water goes down the drain the wrong way. Saturday I was in the church office deciding what music I wanted played at my Mom's Celebration Service. I couldn't believe it. Sunday, the day of her service, I had relatives asking me about a trust fund, who was in charge of the money for my Gramma's funeral and what pieces of my Momma's furnishings they would like to have.

Monday my Daddy instructed me to get all of Momma's stuff out, he wanted to sell the house. We started looking at places for him to live, but in the four months since Momma moved, Daddy's failing mind made it impossible for him to move anywhere but a nursing home or in with me. I chose "in with me."

Now, Daddy is here. He sits in his chair all day and he's really no bother at all and, yet, things are different. He likes quiet. We are not a quiet household. I have three toy poodles that are interested in telling me who is outside, which of our neighbors are coming home or leaving, how many squirrels are scampering about in their territory, etc. I have an extremely messy and noisy cockatiel who is enamored with herself so she tells "the bird" in the mirror how pretty she is 450 times a day (okay, I haven't counted, but it's a lot). And, there's me (noisy by default because I'm clumsy), a husband ( a professor who is used to making himself heard over 200 chatty freshmen in an auditorium with no mic) and a sixteen year old (noisy by nature). We're not quiet. I think the harder we try to be quiet, the noisier we get. Nerves. Murphy's Law. Whatever!

And, there's the whole thing of having an extra person in your house. He's no trouble, but he's extra. Kinda like a splinter that doesn't hurt, but it makes your finger feel funny anyway.

Lessons from God. I don't know why I make this connection, but I do. Maybe the Holy Spirit. Maybe just my weirdo way of thinking. Was this how Jesus felt? He loved everyone, He was at home and yet things just weren't right. He was held captive by human skin. He endured crowds and shoving hordes trying to get a closer look, touches and pulls at His garments. He, Who never sleeps, now needed power naps and food to sustain His energy. And, the noise! What must it have been like to move from Heaven's angels singing to the complaining, moaning, bragging, boisterous, crying, wailing, din-imposing lot of human that we are?

So many challenges, but He endured them all for our sakes. He loved us so very much. His world was turned upside down, too. The Cross. NEVER had He lived through such horrific pain and agony, seperation from His Father, such debase nature, sheer and total evil. I shudder to think.

Yes, lives get turned topsy-turvy, and no, this was not the way I would have written the story, but I am not The Creator. I cannot see what roots of value are being watered and grown. I cannot see the depth with which they plunge into the Earth giving me stability. I cannot fathom the testimony I may bring now or in the future to someone else. I cannot imagine the taste of the sweet nectar of the fruit I'll bear from this one trial.

And, Praise Him, I do not traverse this growth spurt alone. God is with me, watering, gently pruning, providing the trellis with which to rest my heavy branches. And, one day, when the time comes, I will look at my Savior's beaming face and listen to Him broadcast throughout the Heavens, "Well done, my good and faithful Servant."

Will it have been worth it? Yes! I say again, "Yes!" He is my all in all. He is the reason I live. He is the reason I serve. He is the reason I love. He is the reason...

7/24/2007

The Concert

This was an e-mail sent to me today by a very dear friend. I wanted to share it with everyone:

When the house lights dimmed and the concert was about to begin, the mother returned to
her seat and discovered that the child was missing. Suddenly, the curtains parted and spotlights focused on the impressive Steinway on stage.

In horror, the mother saw her littleboy sitting at the keyboard, innocently picking out
"Twinkle,Twinkle Little Star." At that moment, the great piano master made his entrance, quickly moved to the piano, and whispered in the boy's ear, "Don't quit. Keep playing."
Then, leaning over, Paderewski reached down with his left hand and began filling in a bass part. Soon his right arm reached around to the other side of the child, and he added a running obbligato. Together, the old master and the young novice transformed what could have been a frightening situation into a wonderfully creative experience.

The audience was so mesmerized that they couldn't recall what else the great master played.
Only the classic, " Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star."

Perhaps that's the way it is with God. What we can accomplish onour own is hardly noteworthy.
We try our best, but the results aren't always graceful flowing music. However, with the hand of the Master, our life's work can truly be beautiful. The next time you set out to accomplish great feats, listen carefully. You may hear the voice of the Master, whispering in your ear, "Don't quit. Keep playing."

May you feel His arms around you and know that His hands are there, helping you turn your feeble attempts into true masterpieces. Remember, God doesn't seem to call the equipped, rather, He equips the 'called.'

Life is more accurately measured by the lives you touch than by the things you acquire. So touch someone by passing this little message along. May God bless you and be with you always!
and remember,

"Don't quit. Keep playing."

7/23/2007

My Proctor Is God

I'm being tested--I just hope I studied hard enough to pass the exam. It's my worst subject, too. Patience.

Today, I got a phone call from the auction people. They needed to get in my parents' house to take the matresses. It's against NC law for them to sell them. Okay, fine. What I had not expected was the finality that hit me in the face when I entered the house and everything--I mean everything--was gone. I left Saturday, everything was there. I go in today everything is gone. WOW! It felt like I had been punched in the stomach. Question one.

I came back home and the people are here to put in a phone line for my Daddy. Problem--Oh, imagine that. They can't run the lines because we have cement all around our house in the backyard and they don't cut through cement. We can have Daddy's number transferred by Master Ring so he uses our line, but has his own ring. That sounds fine. Question two.

Come in the house and Daddy starts accusing me of giving all my children keys to his house and he wants them back. I said, "Daddy, I only have the one child and she doesn't have a key."
"I know they do!" His voice getting nasty.
"Daddy, I promise. I have one child and she doesn't have a key." I went through all the people who have keys, but he wasn't satisfied. I had to walk away. He forgot. Question three.

The cable guy came. My husband took one of my folks' TV's and wanted cable run into the bedroom. While he was here and already dirty, I thought it would be nice to have a line run next to my treadmill (where all the clothes hang). I asked, "How much to run another line while you're here?"
"Can't do that. Have to have a special order called in. We're only allowed to do so much under-house work in one day." Question four.

Find out my husband has moved my Momma's rocker, by himself, into a room I had already cleaned, and in the process scraped the rocker up pretty good. Question five.

Have worked hard all day. Looked under my bed and my dogs have ripped holes in every airtight bag I had with my winter clothes in them. Every bag. Question six.

My daughter begged her Dad to go get her some ice cream. He goes, comes back with the flavor she hates the most, she's upset that he doesn't know her enough to know she hates chocolate ice cream, he's upset that he might have to go out again. Slamming doors. Question seven.

I stop my work to go to the store to get the "right" ice cream. Question eight.

My Dad wants me to call Trot Nixon's parents to see if he's playing ball tonight. The Cleveland Indians are playing and he hasn't seen Trot. Question nine.

The phone company calls to ask me questions about the service I received today. I was to rate several questons. Question ten.

Daddy stops me as I pass from room to room. "What was my wife's name?" Question eleven.

Sent off my manuscript pages, synopsis and an e-mail to the publisher and forgot to ask for a receipt. Don't know if he got it or not. Bonus question.

So I took the exam and I believe I passed. I'm not sure what grade I'll get. I'm sure this wasn't the final, either.

"I lift up my eyes to the hills--where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of Heaven and Earth." Psalm 121:1-2

7/22/2007

Tired Tranquility

I'm back home. Had a glorious time in Asheville at The Cove with Travis. As always, he brought everyone into the presence of the Lord with his music. Not too many people can make me cry with their music, but he can. I have never listened to him when I didn't feel the Holy Spirit moving like a breath of fresh air through the room.

Hope enjoyed herself, too. The Lord took away her phone service, but not mine. She and her phone have a co-dependent relationship. Of course, I thought it was hysterical--she, well, not so much. God has a way of taking our face in His hands and saying, "You will pay attention this time." She took lots of baby steps forward in her effort to seek God with all her heart. I was proud and I know God was, too. Hope, I love you.

If you've never been to The Cove you need to make a special effort to try and get there someday. God gave Billy Graham a vision for a place where Christians could take refuge. It is an awesome place. God's presence truly can be felt everywhere. Agape love roils up an artesian well from all the workers--most of them volunteer--to splash all over the guests. It's a unique place, a wonderful place, a Godly place.

Daddy did well while I was gone. My daughter took him to get a haircut. He ate good while I was gone. He just didn't remember where I was and when I was coming home. He thought my daughter was my grandchild, but as long as he faired okay that's all that matters.

I'm told the auction did good, too. I'm so glad. When we were leaving Saturday morning, it was beginning to drizzle, but the sun came out later and the auction went on. Everything sold. Everybody liked Momma's stuff. I know we all did.

I'm tired, but it's a good tired. The kind of tired where God wears you out from lovin' on ya so much! My muscles have no stress in them. My mind doesn't have much thought in it. It's the kind of tired where you feel like you're a pat of butter and you melted on the sidewalk in the noonday sun.

Glad to be back, Bloggy friends! Let us come to the Throne with worship and thanksgiving pouring forth from our hearts and mouths to the Savior's heart and ears. He adores us. Let's return the favor!

7/20/2007

Thankfulness is at the Heart of Joy

Good Morning! I slept all night. That was wonderful and quite unlike me. God gives peace and rest, and I needed it.

Yesterday, I could tell Daddy was feeling more at home. He asked me to turn the AC on. At his house we had to sit in the sweltering heat because he didn't want his electric bill to go up. It seems at my house, "What the hey." I laughed out loud when asked me to turn it on for the third time. I had to wrap up in an afghan I got so cold!

He was back to complaining about the TV and "what is this world coming to." And, when I went for a swim AFTER all my work was completed, he warned me about being careful, not slipping and after about 20 minutes he got up, found the back door and hollered, "I think it's time you came in." Yep, Daddy feels right at home now.

We as Christians are so much like Daddy. We are so appreciative at first to be out of confinement, a well of sin or relieved from some stress, but then the "glow" of thankfulness wears off and we're right back to our same selves, complaining and feeling that things are back to status quo.

We start to whine, we start to tell God instead of ask God, our prayers once again become "me" oriented instead of God-centered. Before you know it, we're moping about, wondering "why" me, and our joy becomes stagnant.

To avoid this syndrome we need to keep our eyes squarely on the One Who has given us the best of all He has. We have salvation and we should never forget that. Nothing in our lives should supercede the thankfulness we have for our eternal life being bought by The Son of God.

The auction is Saturday, but I will be gone! I'm going to see Travis Cottrell in concert at The Cove with my friend, Hope. I'm, so excited. She's never been to The Cove and we both adore Travis. It will be a nice respite from all the stress and strain. My daughter will take good care of my Dad.

I'm close enough to finishing the manuscript that I have taken the next step and contacted Harvest House. There is an editor there who has asked to see my book, so, Ladies, let's pray!

Have a great day! Look for ways today to thank the Father for blessings He is giving you at the moment you recognize what it is. For instance, you walk down the sidewalk and see flowers. Thank Him right then for your senses, for His beautiful handiwork, for your ability to walk , etc.
You'll be amazed at how doing that will change your whole outlook on the day and bring joy bubbling from your soul!

7/18/2007

Energy Bar Made in Heaven

I am blown away by the Presence of God. He is so evident in my life right now. You know how sometimes it seems like He's just arouind the corner if you holler, but He's not standing beside you, or there if you need to jump in His arms right that second? None of that these days. I can feel His hand on mine as I lift heavy furniture and rearrange the bed and sofa for the kazillionth time. I have energy and stamina better than I did when I played basketball in high school--well, okay, maybe not that good, but almost!

I wish I could convey through these words just what a miracle it is. Five months ago I barely had energy to breathe. I took long naps, five and six hours during the day, I couldn't clean, I couldn't write, I was a blob. Now this transforming power of God is working through me and it's simply wild!

Daddy's had a grand day. I would whiz through, pat him on the head and he was delighted just to have someone to speak to all day. He's settling in just fine, though he is confused about the layout of the house. He cannot for the life of himself find the bathroom! BUT, I now have the energy and wherewithall to show him. Whoopee!!!!

Dear Lord, You know I can never thank You enough for what You're doing in my life, but that's the beauty of Your whole plan. I can't, You can, so there ya go. You love each of us in our own worlds with the same amount of love. I love You, Father, for taking this weak body and using me to glorify You through an aging father who has served You well. You are most kind. I thank You. Good-night!

7/17/2007

My Bundle of Joy!

Well, guess what? Today I brought home my new 86 year old bundle of joy. He weighs about 140 lbs and already sleeps through the night! Daddy was so excited today. He called me about every hour to see if I was coming today to bring him to my house to spend the night. When I finally got there, he got up from the recliner and said, "I'm ready! I've been waitin' all day."

I'm so thankful he's looking forward to living here and not fighting me. It would be a thousand times harder. We watched some TV together and the funny thing is he never complained about "the junk they show now." That's funny because every night since Momma went to live in Heaven that was his comment about TV. Lots of nights we sat in silence listening to the clock tick. No ticking clock. That's going on the auction!!

This morning while writing on --The Novel--I believe I discovered who gets killed. It's not set in stone, but I think I know now. It's getting really exciting now as the book closes in on the finale. I'm on about page 210--keep praying that the message will be glorifying to the Most High Creator.

I'm headed to bed now after an exhausting day. I've got to get the "little one" tucked in and make sure he can find the bathroom!

7/16/2007

Letting Go of Just Stuff

I covet the prayers of my bloggy friends. I am so tired. It's been a physically and emotionally draining day. Today the auctioneer and his crew came to Daddy's house. They began to "break" the house down. There was so much I had not thought of to do. I had to clean out Daddy's personal stuff, closets I had not had a chance to go through--and I thought I had been through everything. There were even pictures I had not come across until today.

I got Daddy's chair, bed, chest of drawers, hamper, lamps, etc over to my house, but realized when I got the bed in my living room, it's huge. I mean, gargantuan. I had not cleaned out enough space for everything he wanted to bring. So he's having to stay in their house one more night. Tonight when I left him, he was a little confused about where he was supposed to sleep. I told him which guest room he would be in and his favorite lamp was there, but I'll have to call later to make sure he's where he's supposed to be.

The people who are running the auction are very sympathetic. I asked the man's wife if they attended church anywhere and she told me a church here in town they visit. I asked her had she ever joined in that church's Beth Moore studies and she had so we launched on a conversation about Beth, then Jesus and what He was doing in our lives. It was awesome.

Another guy, Bruce, I've been calling him Bruce Almighty, asked me why I was taking in my Daddy. I said that I believed it was Scriptural plus I love him. He said, "I knew you had Jesus in your soul. You're just way to happy to be going through this and still smile." I thanked him and we talked about Jesus off and on all day. Then he offered to bring Daddy's furniture over to my house. He thought I looked like I could use some help.

Isn't God wonderful the way He just plants people right at your doorstep when you need them? These wonderful people have been so compassionate about our loss and when I cried they would leave the room and give me a minute or two. They have let me keep the things I wanted even though we signed a contract to sell it all.

Bruce Almighty told me about his grampa and how much my Daddy reminded him of his gramps. He kept giving me all these wise sayings his grampa imparted to him. I know his gramps had Jesus in his soul, too.

When I left tonight I wandered around Daddy's house looking at 61 years of married life all put into boxes ready to sell. It made me realize I just don't want to live like that. I don't want to accumulate so much stuff. Momma never got to enjoy most of it and Daddy's selling it. I couldn't bring it all home with me and I can only pass on so much through the years.

I know for her, part of the thrill was in the buying and the having because she was so poor when she grew up. Her dad was an alcoholic and they moved all the time leaving behind what little they could get with each move. Momma never had toys or new clothes.

I admit through the years Momma taught me to hang on to things and I find it very difficult to part with anything. Everything holds some kind of sentimental value for me, but I think through Momma's move to Heaven, once again leaving everything behind, and knowing what she had amassed--I just want no part of it.

I am throwing out tons. I've rid myself of things today I thought I could never give away. I am not going to save things anymore. I am moving ever closer to a more simple lifestyle. I want to spend my money creating memories and not storing them in closets.

There are lots of things I can do with my daughter and help others in the process to create memories for us and for them--missions trips, soup kitchens, things like that. And, one day (when God sees fit to publish my book) I'd like to be able to buy a car for somebody not expecting it who could really use it. I'd like to be able to buy a trip for a couple who could never afford a honeymoon. I'd like to be able to supply an orphange with enough food and resources to last them a year, maybe twenty.

Of course, paring down my stuff is not going to bring those things about. It has more to do with letting go of earth and reaching for Heaven. I will be blessed to bless. I will have more when I have less. Letting go of my stuff let's God take hold of it and use it.

Good night all. Grace be to you who follow hard after the One Who gives us life everlasting. Thank you, Lord, for the special people You surround us with, if only for a season. I ask Your blessings on each one that reads this post. Each one is special to me and even more special to You. I'm crazy about You!

7/15/2007

Jump in Feet First--Just Get Your Head Wet

Spending time with my Daddy now is becoming harder. He can't remember anything, but he wants to argue about everything. His arguments are full of venom and mean looks and let me tell you, that is not the way MY Dad was--I have to keep reminding myself this is some alien who has taken over and now resides inside my Dad's body. What's so ironic is that he argues in error.

He will be moving in with me tomorrow or Tuesday. The auctioneer is coming to price things and ready them for the auction next Saturday. I can't even imagine my Momma's beautiful things out on the lawn with strangers rummaging through them, especially her chicken and doll collections. I keep reminding myself, "They're just things. The people cannot buy your memories," and when I get like Daddy, I can make my own memories!

With all that I have going on, I was invited to go out on my friend's boat yesterday and, of course, I chose play over housework. We went up into an inlet to eat supper and a storm came up, as they do on the ocean, rather quickly. We pulled anchor and as we were leaving we saw two kayakers ambling their way to their boat. Now this storm I am talking about was full of wind, heavy rain and lightening, but they were taking their sweet time getting back to their kayak. Just as we pulled to the mouth of the inlet to enter the waterway, the bottom fell out. You could barely see your hand in front of yur face. Lightening was hitting all around us in the water, Believe me, we were hoofin' it as fast as that boat could take us.

I thought about how much like Christians the whole scenario was turning out to be. One person sees God's movement and turns immediately to act. He/she moves when God moves. The kayakers represent other Christians who see God moving, but for some reason they aren't in any hurry to join Him. Maybe they're waiting to see exactly what He's going to do before they join HIm. It might be something they don't really want to do. Maybe they think He will by-pass them and not ask them to join HIm.

Then, when they finally decide God is moving in such a big way, maybe they will move into action afterall, sometimes they're overwhelmed by it all. Their journey becomes fraught with anxiety and fear because the movement of God is causing giant swells of unrest among the world and it scares these Christians. They begin to blame God for events in their lives when all the time if they had moved when God first moved they could have foreseen a bit about what might happen and prepare themselves.

We should always be willing to move when God tells us to move. We should never question whether He is right or if it's something we think we might like to do. If He is moving and showing us signs that we need to be in on this or that thing, then we need to jump in--even if we have to go feet first holding our nose.

7/13/2007

Be Impressed with God

I'm impressed with God. No, really. I'm impressed. I think about His love for us. He is the Almighty. He created everything, yet He doesn't condider it "lowering Himself" to love us--He loves us because He considers us lovely.

It doesn't matter how educated or not, how poor or rich how outwardly beautiful or not, how refined or lacking in social etiquette. He loves and He can't help it. It's His nature. He loves us because, well, He loves us.

He wants us to succeed. He does all He can to help us choose correctly, but He doesn't coerce us or use us as puppets. He lets us make mistakes, then He uses our bad choices to teach us. Sometimes He picks us up. Sometimes He lets us struggle with the process of picking our own selves up from the mire. He dusts us off once we're up, maybe even have to wash our face if we wallowed a long time, and sets us on our way again, headed in the right direction on the right path.

This brings me to another point. I'm impressed with His patience. I'm always impressed with patience. Some people have a bent for wondering off the path every few feet, that would be me, but He is always just as patient as the first time. Waiting for us to admit we've taken a wrong turn, dusting us off and setting us back on course. He could easily say , "It would just be quicker if I did it myself," but he doesn't.

I'm impressed that He allows those who oppose Him, who don't believe in Him to live, to prosper. I don't even like to be around people who oppose me. I know I'm not alone in this. It's why we have different religions and different sects or denominations within those religions. It's why we have political parties. It's why e-harmony exists. It's why we have clubs. I don't think I've ever heard of an Opposites Club. We won't to be around people who believe like we do, who confirm what we believe to be right, who confirm our choices. It's why JFK was assassinated. It's why Paul was persecuted. It's why Jesus was crucified. They were different.

Yet God allows that opposition. He loves that person. He has mercy on them. He lets them say the most ridiculous things about Him. He doesn't zap them into silence. He doesn't try to defend Himself. He doesn't have to. One day, one sad, tragic day those same people will realize what a horrible mistake they made.

I'm impressed by God's abilities to work my bad choices, my failures, my sins to my own good and for His puposes. How many times I have scrapped an idea or plan because of failure. God is the ultimate, "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again." He can take any failure and turn it around. In fact, He's in the business of refurbishing throw away, used up, failed humans. He can take the worst person you can even imagine and totally use them for good.

Think of Corrie ten Boom. God used Hitler, the Third Reich and the Nazi regime to bring glory and honor to His name. Think of 9/11. God used those attacks to bring glory and honor to His name and turn people to Himself. Think of Paul. He turned that life around from a Christian-killer to pen most of the New Testament. Think of Christ. His plan was to use those Romans and Jews to bring glory and honor to HImself, to turn lives around, to change the world.

I'm impressed with God's willingness to enter into the smallest detail of our lives. He cares about the little stuff--we sometimes don't pay attention to the little things because we're too hurried, too busy, too stressed, too self-consumed, too jaded to notice anymore. But, He never stops noticing, never stops caring. Flowers still bloom every year. Sunsets still grace the western skies, ocean waves still lap the shore. Beauty for us to enjoy.

Ever lose something, ask God to help you find it and He did? Yep! The little things. For ten days I visited my Momma in the hospital. For ten days I always found a parking space within walking distance of the doors. It was awesome. The little things. It has never rained on my daughter's birthday! He cares. "Let the children come."
God impresses me. His vows are trustworthy. His patience endures. His mercies are new every morning. He is faithful. He is kind. He is gentle. His love knows no end.

If money impresses you, all the money is His. If status impresses you, He is the Almighty, the Everlasting God, the Ancient of Days, the Alpha and Omega. If power impresses you, He is omnipotent, all-powerful. If big houses impress you, the earth is His footstool. If good-looks impress you, His beauty is beyond compare. If education impresses you, He is omniscient, all-knowing. If creativity impresses you, He is the Creator of all things.

Be impressed with the One Who deserves to be on a pedestal in your eyes. Worship the One Who deserves our worship. Idolize the One true God. Putting God and humans in the proper perspective will save you a lot of heartache, disappointment and frees you up to accept and love people. It levels the playing field, making us all the same instead of different.

7/12/2007

Love Like Pure Gold

I was about to bust last night to post, but didn't because we had a thunderstorm. I unplugged my computer to protect it from electrical jolts, so I'll give witness to God's love this morning.

A blogger, Nicole, posted a comment on the LPM blog about two weeks ago. She has been diagnosed with liver cancer, she has a 12 year old son and she is 27. Very frightened, very angry at God, very confused.

I immediately felt something for her beyond compassion. I was overwrought with the need to keep up with her and encourage her, pray for her. I believe those burdens came straight from The Holy Spirit.

Several days passed and I heard nothing. She made no comments on the LPM blog, no one had heard from her, then another fellow blogger, darling Darla, posted a comment on my blog. I returned her comment with a comment on her blog and there was Nicole's name and she had a blog!

Naturally, I went there, read her blog and the burden became greater to walk my prayers to the Throne of God and let Him do a mighty work. I did, but I also heard Him tell me to ask yet another fellow blogger, Teri, to post a comment on Nicole's blog. She did. She in turn posted a comment on another blogger's blog (there's a whole lot of blogging goin' on).

Heather has a brain tumor, three small children, a baby who had a heart transplant when born and who knows what else. She understands Nicole's plight. She's been angry, confused, scared, all of it. Heather asked her fellow bloggers to comment on Nicole's blog. Nicole's blog went from 0-78 comments in one day--thats' really phenomenal and this morning Nicole's blog had 570+ hits!

Do you see how God works? He could have done it differently, but He gave several of us the opportunity to do the right thing, ask for prayers for this young woman, thereby giving us the chance to see His love at work AND give us the chance to brag about Him. I love it! Simple steps, no one was burdened with weeks of work, just one simple step and He compounded the interest so to speak! What an awesome and loving God we serve.

My uncle used to sing in a quartet and one of the songs had these lyrics:

"My God is real, real in my soul. My God is real 'cause He has washed and made me whole. His love for me is like pure gold. My God is real 'cause He's alive deep down in my soul."

His love for us is like pure gold and more. Please, if you don't know Him, talk to Him. He will explain to your heart your need for Him. He wants every man, every woman, every soul ever born to live with Him in Heaven forever. Every person, once born will always be. After your earthly body passes on you will be either in Heaven forever or hell forever. He so wants you to choose Him! Take Him up on His offer and experience a love like you've never experienced before!

7/10/2007

Consider It All Joy!

I get it! I finally get it--well, at least partially. I understand now what James is talking about when he says, "Consider it all joy." The suffering, the trials, the persecution, the sorrow--whatever it is, if we allow Him to work in us, those things all bring us to a greater knowledge of Christ. We depend on Him for every breath, every move. We cry in our pillows at night, we wrestle with fatigue, we curse the pain, and yet, when all is said and done, we realize without Him we could not have made it.

I know it sounds weird, and don't get me wrong, the junk we go through is painful and grievous and scary, but when it drives us to the waiting arms of our Savior, when we come to depend solely on Him and then, we become self-confident, not in ourselves, but what we realize Christ can do through us, then it is sheer joy.

My Daddy can't remember my name anymore. He still recognizes me as his daughter, I think, but he can't say my name. I'm weary from the constant explaining, the strain of taking care of two households, yada, yada, yada, but it's truly a joy! I am solely dependent on my Savior and with that dependence comes a new me, a new confidence, a new awakening that has me dancing in the streets!

I am living out the Living Word. It has scraped scales off my eyes with its edges and I can see that, indeed, to suffer, to have trials is joy because it brings me closer to Him! There is no sacrifice too great. What a privilege to serve my God. I am humbled to be labeled with His name--Christian.

Thank You, Jesus, for giving me the opportunity to see You better, whatever the means You choose, You know best. You are trustworthy. I consider it all joy!

7/09/2007

He is the Beginning and the End

I have to tell this story or I'll bust and then the rocks will have to cry out and, well, it's just not their jobs. I just have to brag on Jesus again. He's so worthy of all the brag we have!

My Daddy's house was put on the market about a month ago. We signed a contract on it last week, but here's the story:

These people, The Hickman's, were invited over to their friends' new house. It is in the same subdivision as my Dad's. They decided to look around the neighborhood, saw my Daddy's house was for sale, asked to see it the next day and put an offer on it the next day! Incredible! They were not even looking to buy a house, but Mrs. Hickman fell in love with it. The offer was so close to what we were asking we didn't even make a counter offer. Tell me God doesn't care about the things going on in our lives! Sometimes His goodness is almost more than I can bear--he is too magnificent for words. He is glorious. He is spectacular. He is magnificent. He is divine. He is every adjective any dictionary could say and then 10,000 beyond!

I'm wild about Him. I am obssessed with Him. He is my very breath. Oh, how I pray you know Him personally. No one or nothing can fill any emptiness you have in your heart but One. He is the End-all. The End of all fear. The End of all hopelessness. The End of all shame. The End of all desperation. The End of all loneliness. The End of all condemnation. Alpha and Omega is His name.

For He is the Beginning of hope. He is the Beginning of life. He is the Beginning of joy. He is the Beginning of fulfillment. He is the Beginning of blamlessness. He is the Beginning of a new you!

I cannot, and will not even try to imagine, what my life would be like without Him. I would be condemned to hell. I would be without my daughter. I would be dead--without a doubt.

Oh my Dear Savior, bless Your Holy name, Jesus. You are my Rock, my Fortress, my Deliverer, in You will I trust. There is none like You. Save us, Lamb of God. Teach us, Rabboni. Lead us, Lord, in the way everlasting.

Tagged: What I "dig" about Jesus

I have been "tagged" by one of my blog Siestas, Darla, to tell five things I "dig" about Jesus. WOW! It's gonna be hard to keep this list to five.

1) I "dig" the way He always hung out with the "out" crowd instead of the "in" crowd. He touched the unclean. He talked to women. He asked a tax collector--a shunned group--to work alongside Him as His disciple. He is a Man for the underdog.

2) I "dig" His self-confidence. He knew Who He was and where He was going. He kept His eyes on the Plan. He never wavered. He never waffled. He never made excuses. He was Who He was and that was it. No need to say more. I like that.

3) I "dig" His respect for His earthly parents. He learned His father's trade as a carpenter. He turned water into wine for His mother. While dying on the cross, He made sure His mother was taken care of by someone He knew could be trusted.

4) I "dig"the way He is coming back one day as The King of Kings and Lord of Lords. I just love a great ending and this one will be the best, complete with the white horse! I love that. He will be back to rescue His damsel in distress (the church). And, I love the entrance. Every great drama has a grand entrance. To pierce the clouds and have the trumpets blasting! WOW!

5) And last, but definitely not least, I "dig" that He has paid my way to Heaven. He is the ultimate in love and sacrifice, and, well, that's cool.

I have to go find someone to tag. I'll add names later.

7/08/2007

From Glory to Glory

I shared with my SS class this morning a bit about what God is doing in my life right now. It is so awesome and I will tell you as I told them. I am not boasting in anything I have done, I tell you for His glory and His alone.

I have had brittle diabetes for 39 years. I have been near death numerous times. I have renal disease, gastopareisis, neuropathy, and chronic anemia--all results of diabetes complications. I don't feel well a lot of the time. God has given me strength, People! He has enabled me to clean my house, making a place for my Dad to move in. I have been able to keep awake during the day to do things with my daughter and things I need to do as a housewife and writer. I have driven back and forth between my house and Daddy's cleaning his to sell, and have continued to write--almost completing the book God has laid on my heart to write.

He has provided strength in my weakness. He has carried me when my legs were too weary to move. He has given patience that I thought was rotten in the bottom of my fruit barrel. Over and over again He has shown me how much He loves me and how willing He is to do for me. I am so humbled that He has chosen to use me in these ways. (I won't ask Him why. He might rethink His decision!)

I asked several months ago to be taken on the wildest ride of my life--and boy, did I ever not see this coming! But make no mistake--it is awesome. My Momma dying 3 1/2 months ago drove me straight to the Throne--I had nowhere else to turn. My Daddy was in his own grief and turmoil. My Momma was always the one to give me comfort and she was gone.

Daddy's Alzheimer's and all the junk associated with it has taught me a total dependance on God I thought I had, but really didn't. Trials came as a result of the Fall of man, but God uses them to show us His magnificent glory.

I believe one of the truths we can glean from Paul's exhortation to us to do everything without complaing is this: even the trials, suffering and persecution come with their own rewards--the benefits of seeing Jesus closer, knowing He is holding us tightly, far, far outweighs the hurt of what we experience here on this earth.

I can truly thank Him for the chaos in my life, for the loneliness I felt when Momma went to live with Him, for it all--I am thankful. I have found a new facet of Him that I never would have seen and I would have been less complete without that experience. From glory to glory!

7/06/2007

Take Yourself to the Throne

Praise God from Whom all blessings flow, He is still in the business of answering prayers! Isn't it wonderful to know we have given our hearts and lives to a God Who wants us to ask Him for things? He delights in giving us what we ask for! How awesome is that? We don't have to kill others to be considered worthy. We don't have to perform a certain amount of ritual, pray a certain amount of prayer, be good enough by doing works--we just have to humble ourselves and go to Him with boldness and confidence carrying nothing more than faith in His Son, Jesus!

My friend and soul-mate just had surgery Tuesday. And, Blessing-Giver that He is, God saw fit to heal her. She has had a miraculous recovery. It's awesome to pray and then see that, yes, God is listening, waiting for our petitions and willing, nay, wanting, to answer. It blows my mind!

Can you imagine? God, Who sits on the Throne, desires you to come and talk to Him, tells you to ask Him for things, sings over you? This is the same God Who created the earth, the stars, the universe and Was before time ever began? We cannot truly imagine what transcending time means--we can say it and know the definition, but we can't know what it's like--we just can't imagine not being under the gun of time, but God can because He is! And yet, He created us, He wants fellowship with us, He beckons us, humans who live and breathe by the constraints of time. I can scarce take it in!

Take the time today to go to Him. Tell Him how much you love Him. Tell Him how much you need Him. Tell Him you appreciate Him. Tell Him with a thankful heart. Show Him with an obedient life. Delight Him with a repentant soul.

Glory to God in the Highest!

7/05/2007

Nature Belongs To Its Creator

Okay, I confess. I drove an hour in heavy Fourth of July BEACH! traffic to be with my daughter at camp so we could watch the fireworks together. They weren't spectacular like in years past, the mosquitoes were so big I think I was lifted off the blanket a couple of times, but it was still a wonderful evening.

We sat by the waters edge, a slight breeze blowing gently in our faces, my daughter had her head resting on my shoulder, and sometimes she would pat my leg. We ate homeade ice cream after the fireworks and sat around fellowshipping with a bunch of teen-agers from another city. They tour around the Southeast, singing and giving their testimonies. They are lively, lovely and madly in love with Jesus. If anybody doubts whether there are still teens out there who love the Lord, I can tell you with a resounding , "YES!" they are out there and they want to make a difference.

I am so blessed. My Lord loves to take care of the intimate details of my life. He guided me carefully to and from camp--I don't drive at night as a rule, but I was able to get home safely. The weather was perfect for just sitting out and breathing in the smells of the ocean, listening to the waves lap at the beachhead and kids of all ages giggling and screaming as the fireworks exploded with sound and color--all things God could have left out of His planning, but He included them so our lives would be full of Him, our senses can come alive as we breathe, touch, hear, see and taste His goodness.

What if He had made our vision black and white? We would not know the colors of a sunset or the rich colors of a rose. What if we could not taste chocolate? Homemade bread right out of the oven slathered in creamy butter. What if we couldn't smell our newborn baby freshly bathed and powdered? What if we couldn't smell Christmas or a rain? How about not being to feel a hug or the warmth of a fire, the soft fur of a puppy or the comfort of ur own bed? What if we never heard the crackle of a fire in fall or our children telling us they loved them? What if God had decided to not include our senses in His make up of us?

The very reason we have all these things is because He loves us. he wants us to have joy while we are here on Earth, to enjoy life. Yes, we will have trials, suffering and persecution, but those only draw us closer to Him where we find peace, joy, and love. God is all about creation. He's all about creativity. He could have made us all the same--but He chose not to. He gives us variety. But we tend, just as the Jews did in the wilderness, to complain. It's just not enough. "Where are you God," we cry. "Why?"

He is everywhere. You can smell Him, you can taste Him, you can feel Him, you can hear Him, you can see Him. His Presence, the essence of Who He is can be found in nature, the things He made with His loving, tender hands.

Thank You, Lord, for blessing us with variety, the spice of life. You are so thoughtful to think about what would bring us pleasure, just for pleasure's sake. Thank You for passing on creativity to humans that others may create simply for the pleasure of creating. There is none like You.

7/03/2007

Celebrate a Free Country and a Free Soul--Today!

Well, Praise the LORD! We signed the contract on Daddy's house night before last. The closing is July 30th. He has to be out by July 15th so the auctioneer can come in and ready the estate for sale. As God would have it, I will be out of town the only date that was open for the sale and that's good, because even talking to the guy today made me cry and get very upset. I know Momma is enjoying every second of Heaven, but I'm not enjoying every second I miss her. I just cannot imagine her things being sold and whisked away by strangers. God knew I would feel this way so He had it all worked out I would be at The Cove for an evening with Travis Cottrell--only my very favorite worship leaders!!

I've packed a few pictures and I'm getting the last of what I want from Momma's house before the auction. But, just to keep me grounded, the water heater burst so I had to get that taken care of. I know nothing about these things--I've always had a Daddy or husband who did all that, but I'm now learning. (Again, my brilliant brother had lots of knowledge about such things so he led me step by step over the phone through what I should do). I know there is a good reason for it, too--just don't know yet what that is.

July Fourth is today. How blessed we are to live in a free country. In this day and time, there are so many who want to do nothing but tear this country apart and it breaks my heart. A little respect, People, a little respect.

Daddy just called to tell me he had good nws news. "The water heater's not broken. Somebody used the hose and that's what was leaking. The heater's as dry as a bone!"

Bless his heart he was so excited. I had to burst his bubble. "No, Daddy. I pulled the hose out myself and hooked it to the heater to drain it, but it was already empty. Your water heater is shot."

Disheartened, "Oh, I thought I had good news."

He does have Good News, but not about the water heater. He's going to Heaven when he stops breathing Earth's oxygen! Glory! That's really Good News! He's going to meet the King of Kings and The Lord of Lords face-to-face! He's going to see Moses, Abraham, Paul, David, Mary, Noah, Joseph, and Momma! Good News, indeed.

I pray each one of you who reads this blog knows the Saviour, personally. I pray you have asked Him to forgive you of your sins. I pray You have asked Him to be your Lord and Master. All it takes is to believe in your heart Jesus died on the cross for your sins, rose again on the third day and lives in Heaven now at the right hand of the Father, and confess it with your mouth. Easy, painless and with huge dividends. No greater return anywhere or with anything on earth. I urge you, take these steps today. What better day than the day our nation celebrates its freedom. You, too, will have a special reason to celebrate your own freedom. A freedom in Christ that money can't buy nor any country give you. It's a freedom that comes from having a persoanl relationship with the Living God.

Happy Fourth of July!

Check this out: http://sagebrushpatriot.com/america.htm

7/02/2007

I Just Want to Talk with You, Lord

I didn't come here to ask You for anything.
I just came to talk with You, Lord.
You've answered a million prayers or more
That I forgot to thank You for.
I just came to talk with You, Lord.
Maybe tomorrow
There'll be trouble and sorrow,
And a thousand teardrops may fall.
But until I face tomorrow's test
I have no special favor to ask.
I just came to talk with You, Lord.
How many times, Lord
Have troubles brought me down to my knees?
Oh, but this time I just want to talk with You, Lord.
You see,
I have really no selfish motive in mind,
I just came to thank You, Lord,
For all the other times...
I just came to talk with You, Lord.
Maybe tomorrow there'll be trouble and sorrow,
And a thousand teardrops may fall
But until I face tomorrow's test
I have no special favor to ask
I just came to talk with You, Lord.
---The Rambo's

This so expresses my heart this past few days. He does so much and I thamk Him so little. He is always there for me. Am I always there for Him? Can He count on me for anything He asks of me? What am I unwilling to do? Or maybe, what am I willing to do?

I want to make Him my steadfsat desire; not what He can do for me. I want to pray in the mornings without one single request--just to talk and commune with Him, let Him know my heart's desire is nothing more than to sit at His feet because I am with Him.

Yes, Lord, I just want to talk with You.

7/01/2007

Glory on the Top Deck

WOW! OH WOW! WOW! that is how I describe my week-end to you! We had a blast!

The boat trip down took about 5 1/2 hours. We saw some feral goats on an island, dolphins, every kind of shore bird you can imagine and the water was beautiful. We docked early afternoon, and of course, the girls went shopping. They had such a good time.

We went back to the boat, opened presents and ate cake. Several of us slept (Ha!) on the top deck in the open air. It was an awesome experince. I couldn't sleep I was so excited. I prayed all night, just talking to Jesus about the day, about how He brought me through my daughter's birth and everyone was urging me to abort her--long story. We talked about the beauty of the flag when it blows in the sea breeze (there was a giant one on shore just outside the boat). I told Him how lovely everything had been that day--how unique His creation is and I had enjoyed all of it.

We got up, had a devotional and did some more shopping. The ride back home was sunny and I got a little crispy burn, but it, too, was fun. We saw the most beautiful clouds I've seen, but then again, I've never been on the water in a full scale thunder storm. Awesome!

While on the ride home, the realtor called and someone made an offer on my Dad's house so close to his asking price I don't think we're going to counter-offer! Ain't God grand?

It was nice to get away. I was living in an alternate reality for two days and it was great. I came home burned, but relaxed, tired, but rested. My spirit was so in tune with the Spirit I could hardly contain myself. This week-end, God reassured me of His hand in everything that's going on. He is so loving and so gentle. I am simply amazed that He cares so much and insures that I have a good time on a mini-vacation, birthday celebration.

The neat thing, too, was some of the girls are not churched at all and some rarely. My daughter and I were able to witness by saying the blessing before the meals, by thanking Him for a safe trip, by talking about the wisdom of reading the Owner's Manuel of Life, by witnessing to a Jew from Israel at the shops, by singing to Him when I got so excited about the surrounding beauty I could not comtain myself, even by dressing modestly on the boat--lots of little things that hopefully will get their minds and hearts stirred.

Glad to be back. Missed you guys. Holy is The Lamb Who was slain! To Him be all glory. honor and praise!