Consider it all Joy

Good Morning, One and all,

I didn't get much sleep last night (I told you, you can't give us ADDers too much excitement) thinking about what I would post today. (I even dreamed somebody was trying to steal my blog!)

I wanted to talk more about my Dad. Thats's what occupies a lot of my thinking time anyway. It's ironic how much like a two, three, four and five year old he can be these days. I know, I know, some of you are thinking that your husband doesn't have Alzheimer's and that sentence describes him, but...well, let's move on.

Daddy sleeps, eats a little when told to, and poops--just like a baby. He can't read anymore. He doesn't like the "mess" on TV (mostly the advertisements bother him, but he thinks they are the program). He doesn't turn the lights on. He has to be told when to bathe. He's just like a kid--only, this is my Dad. My brain processes him as my Dad, sees him as my Dad and expects my Dad to react, my Dad to be behind those eyes. More and more it's definitely not my Dad. A stranger has taken over his body and is trying to fast forward him backwards. It's like "Alice in Wonderland."

And, temper tantrums! That's where the two year old comes in. My father was gentle, rational and full of wisdom and sage advice. I went to him with everything. Like I said, "My Father is gone." The bodysnatchers have invaded and in his place they have left an ill-tempered, quick to anger, foul man that irritates me sometimes.

Of course, the guilt floods in, because just as my brain can't process the changes, neither can my heart. I loved my Daddy very much. I don't think we ever said five cross words to each other when I was growing up. I was the "apple of his eye" and he told me so on a regular baasis. He never spanked me (a thump on the head once or twice). A swift act to pretend he was going to remove his belt was all it took to scare me into doing the right thing or making a hasty, if shallow, apology.

I get irritated when he calls me at 10:30pm to come over to his house to turn his air-conditioning down--he's cold--and I was sound asleep! And, when he calls me to fuss because I've misplaced something--and it was really him that misplaced it. Or when he accuses me of eating his cheeseburger--when in reality I bought him two and he ate them both! I get irritated when he is so adamant about everything, but can't remember anything. And, when he ask me the same question ten times in the span of two minutes. My Dad was smart!

I know he's frustrated and that breaks my heart. He knows he can't remember, but he wants to so bad. I think that's part of why he's so mean-spirited. It's the only way he has now of showing he is still the authority and still the head of the house--still in control of himself. Added to that, he and my Momma had been married 61 years when she moved to Heaven. That's a long time to live with somebody. And, they didn't just live together, he absolutely adored her.

He would sit across from her at the table and grin and chills would overtake him as he said, "Isn't she the purtiest thing you've ever seen?" She was 80! They still held hands. He patted her thigh each night before they quit talking and went to sleep. They would lie in bed for an hour most every night just talking. It wasn't too long ago I spent the night at their house, we all went to bed, but I couldn't gew to sleep because my parents were talking and giggling across the hall in their bed--with the lights off! Cute, but eeww!

A day doesn't pass that my Daddy doesn't say, "My world has been turned upside down." I agree with him there. I feel like salt in a well-used salt shaker and somebody's using me to season their mashed potatoes!

But, alas, Jesus never promised us life would not be hard. In fact, He warned us a good bit that it would be frought with hard times, testing, temptation and persecution. He did promise never to leave us or forsake us. He did ask us to give Him our burdens. He promises us a place in Heaven where He Himself is preparing a place for us. There? A place with no more tears, no more sorrow, our minds will be clear, our "Happily Ever After" will be lived in full perfection. We will have our Prince Charming, rescuing us on a white horse. Oh Happy Day!

The Holy Spirit keeps reminding me, "Consider it all joy." "Consider it all joy." Over and over. When I get tired from running back and forth between two households. When I get frustrated when Daddy is not Daddy. When I don't have time for everything I want to accomplish in a day. When I feel isolated and alone. When I miss my Momma so much it feels like my heart is being ripped from it's place in my chest. When friends have deserted me. He reminds me, "Consider it all joy."

Love. Trust. Obey. Believe. Persevere. Have faith. Run the race. Consider it all joy.

With my head on His chest,

A